Loving myself…

Those of you who know me well know that I got started blogging the personal stuff. I used to blog everything, the good, the bad and the ugly. All of the close internet friendships that I currently hold came from this time of openness and I wouldn’t take any of them back for the world. Over the years however, I have learned that for me, letting everyone know exactly what’s going on in my life is not always best.

There are some nights like tonight and some entries like this one that inspire me to want to open the floodgates again. Tell, share, and get that sharing back.

2008-2009 has been a period of upheaval for me. All of my previous beliefs about myself have been turned on their heads, whether it has been through my career, my family or my relationships, I have been seriously tested and molded.

One important overarching lesson I have learned this year? It is ok to make mistakes. That must sound elementary, but it is something that I never really understood until now. I am highly self-critical. Even as far back as childhood, my parents rarely had to punish me, because even they recognized that no punishment they inflicted could be more serious than the punishment that I inflict upon myself. I am harsh judge of my own character.

But I have made a lot of big mistakes over this past year: some really big, some not so much. And I am only just now starting to realize that everything is ok, that I am still alive, I did not start World War 3 or mortally injure anyone. And I am starting to love myself back to life and health, love myself through the residual effects of those errors.

I have also realized that I cannot tolerate anyone in my life who is harder on me that I am on myself. It’s simply too much pressure. If I come to you honestly and humbly and apologize for a wrong that I have done, and my apology is not accepted, then there’s nothing more to be done or said. Especially if the transgression really isn’t all that serious in my eyes. Honestly, you can go and fly a kite. I am learning what it means to truly love all the parts of me, so I have no room for that sort of foolishness.

I am truly learning what it means to give myself unconditional love. And I finally understand what folks mean when they say that the hardest relationship you will ever have to maintain is the one you have with yourself.

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~ by Reveye on June 9, 2009.

One Response to “Loving myself…”

  1. This is why I love my Bricky! we:here

    I’m still working on living with my mistakes. Even the ones I make over and over. I am slowly reconciling that I may never get it all right.

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